The Power of Intentional Presence

Not everyone fills a space well.

I watch leaders I admire, and the way they command a room. How do they sit, hold a pen, begin a seminar? I also observe the hopeless, the unabashed, and the insecure speck of a human. I enjoy both styles of survival and learn escape routes, body language shifts of hips or crooked smiles, and conversation pitfalls - taken or missed. I find it alluring, sexy. Part of selling is making yourself desirable, and for some of us, that doesn’t come as easily as it looks. In my dance training, of course, I learned the choreography, but I also learned where the best light would hit my body. Doesn’t matter how good you are if you are dancing in the dark where no one can see you. Good lighting can make bad choreography passable - and you, the star of the show.

All of this is setting a stage - and it begins with you. It begins with your attitude you wake up with, the clothes you choose to wear that day, and the preparation that went into the plan in your pocket. Every notebook you fill with projects, the coffee cup you didn’t put in the dishwasher (three days ago), and the car wash you are avoiding but REALLY need to invest in speaks volumes to yourself and others. They may seem like tasks, and they are - but they are important nonsense that makes up your aura. You can have the best strategy, and the worst approach - you just lost your audience. You landed an appointment with a restaurant you have been chasing, and you are 15 minutes late - say goodbye to your standard of respect. These little details are not so little and are missed every day by my competition. I watch suppliers walk in to tastings five minutes before go time, or forget to bring a wine opener with them (kind of an obvious tool to have), or need to borrow samples because they just didn’t “have time” to pull them. None of us “have time”, we own watches and alarms, and damn it - put a freaking wine opener in every corner of every space you take up - you will need it! Actions are watched and judged by everyone - the ones you don’t mean to do, and the ones you do.

Last week, I walked into a tasting with ten minutes to go. I was ashamed. It was as if I slapped the buyer across the face. If I have to cause a burden due to my late arrival or become a liability, I should just go home. Of course, I didn’t, and was pissed at myself for the next three hours of the tasting. I wasn’t the “nicest” to guests, my explanation of wines was short and cold, and maybe I spent to much time on my phone. Result: I sold about 4 bottles of wine. Not the results any of us were looking for.

Don’t expect perfection, but live like you are perfect. When I walk into some tastings, surrounded by mostly men, all of whom have years of experience beyond mine, I could shake like a child. Will you ever see that? Never. I find my booth or table, set up the lovely point-of-sale that I have meticulously packed and ironed, and begin my perfected explanation of the treasures before me. I’m the centerpiece because I believe I am.

You will never be perfect, but you can pretend to be. You WILL wake up not wanting to talk to people, but your job is talking to people. Your dress will have a rip in it, you will spill coffee all over the folio that holds your pricing sheets, and your boss will side eye some of your choices and this will burn you to your soul - but you still need to show up. You will read all of the self-help books about the art of letting go, finding humor in your human errors, or personal to professional life balance - they don’t mean a thing when you are already late and sitting in traffic. Control your controllables; one of my favorite mantras. But in doing that, we need to remember what kind of performance follows. I’ve given grand presentations with a big ole stain on my shirt, screwed up pricing so badly that I seem to “misplace” the pricing sheets, and have forgotten wine details and survived - but I did remember my classy greeting, smile on my face, and follow-up email the next day. (and the damn corkscrew)

Here are a few moments where I was tired, sweaty, not feeling it - but I made it work!